return of the shit

Turned up at the cinema, paid my 9euros and got sent home with a copy of the game and told to make up as much crap dialogue and exposition as we liked between missions.

Yes I’ve been to Star Wars, and while it didn’t happen as above I think I would have been better off if it had. I knew things weren’t going to work out to well when I tried to book tickets over the phone and the new staff didn’t know how to work the ticket machine properly. So that when we turned up to collect the tickets and it took them 10 minutes to find the order and print tickets and all I could think to myself was “I hope I’m not charged for 4 tickets every time they swipe the card and the machine beeps. ” And I still don’t know as the online banking system hasn’t updated after the weekend yet! And what little dramatic tension that anecdote has is still more than the movie.

Revenge of the Sith is a bad bad movie. In spite of any limitations on plot and character development Lucas may have walked himself into by squandering the opportunity of the first two movies, we still deserved better than this. I’m not going to get into a long rant on this as I may not be able to stop anytime soon. So. Plot? There was a plot? I never noticed – except a plot ti extract a large amount of money from people for cinema tickets and asorted goodies. Acting? Wooden. Character Development? How much does been chopped in half and burned alive 5 mins before the end count? Not much thats what! And its not chracter development if stuff only happens to one character and that was stuff that we knew had to happen anyway. Its like watching the Passion of the Christ and hoping jesus gets away in the end! Where were we – ah yes! direction? Bad, I can see George now – put special effect here, we have an opportunity to make a game/toy out of this so lets put a bit of product placement here, replace all the muppets with CGI and replace all the real actors with muppets. Action!

The special effects are spectacular enough and there was quite a lot of them making the whole thing seem rather busy at times. But they aren’t the substitution for acting, direction, plot, and genuine action, suspense and thrills that the blockbuster movie making and watching public seem to think they are. Especially not if there is always someting happening in the background to distract you from any important stuff is going on in the scene, not that that was a problem in this movie. There was anything important happening in the foreground anyway.

As well as agreeing with Jamie’s comments I would follow up that horse tranquilisers should have been provided for the audience and at least we could have sat around in a more-than-usual stupor pointing and laughing and saying “ooh! shiny” as appropriate.

They didn’t even play a Sin City trailer. bastards

One Response to “”

  1. Anonymous Says:


    After all those years of thinking you had issues with expressing emotion, out you bounce with a piece of invective obviously not intended for The Sun but guaranteed to appear there next Saturday cos it will take them all week to translate it!

    What bothers me more than your vented spleen at this point is that you HAD to know this was coming – the last two should have told you what was coming. Yes, I am talking about the content and dramatic presentation. Ewan McPinetree as a young Alex? Au naturellement ….

    The science of selling a film these days is obviously product placement and as much bang for your buck as the budget will allow. We wax lyrically and unplugged about certain genres but fail to see the tree for the wood (or whatever, it can be difficult to care on a Monday afternoon), when it comes down to what made this sequence of movies – big bangs, light sabres, wookies, croissant hair being sexy, the same piece of music over and over and over and over, whoosh being the only sound effect in space and for what? A big bloody advert that took longer to conclude than the legendary nescafe series starring the bloke who really wanted to do Buffy but preferred to watch or something …

    My point is this : there is no surprise with Revenge of the Sith (so many lisp jokes – so many people who will complain), George Lucas saw two generations of us coming and knew how to get our dough. The only person who is really surprised is the guy who took a punt on funding this project 30 years ago – he is really, really surprised ….

    Is mise le meas

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